So, my update schedule has been completely borked recently. I think this is the first post in the last two weeks. I’ve got a whole slew of reviews that are on backburner- some indefinitely- but I’m really struggling to finish any of them. I would at this point that I’m struggling with the blog as a whole.
When I started this blog (that nobody read), I knew exactly what my goals were. I wanted to grow as a writer, try something new, and add a notch onto my accomplishment belt. I started this blog when I was at a somewhat low point in my life- I’m usually pretty happy, but I’m prone to depression and back then I really just felt unaccomplished. I’ve been on this earth 23 years and my accomplishments are ordinary. I don’t often talk about it, but I want my name to be famous. I want to be someone. I want to leave an indelible mark upon this earth. But I am nothing! I am a 23 year old man of modest means who spends too much time derping on the internet and playing video games.
This blog was to be a small token of effort, a small way of changing the way that I think and the person who I am. And, thus far, I have discovered something about myself: I am not perfect. I am not a different person than I was when I started this blog. I’m still lazy, and unproductive. I’m easily distracted and mostly unmotivated. I’m not the man who I want to be. But- I am growing up more than I think.
These days, I’m juggling a lot on my plate- in addition to a full-time position as a software engineer, with an hour commute each direction, I’m also starting a new diet (Called the Engine 2 diet- I’ll review it, once I make a full round of it). I’m looking to ultimately lose about 30 lbs. I’m working on exorcising more- I’d like to work out before work, but I haven’t been waking up early enough, so that’s all been after work. I’ve been working on a game with a friend of mine- we’re making good progress on the design document, and I’ve been working to re-learn Unity so I can start coding the game. I’ve been working on this blog, maintaining a (somewhat) struggling relationship, and learning how to play the drums (Which, for those of you who read my first post, is one of my goals!). Overall, I’ve got a lot on my plate and not a lot of time to do it in, and worse, I’ve been having some serious motivational issues. Ultimately, this blog got pushed to the bottom of the stack, and I’ve neglected it.
I’m not promising that things are going to become fixed. I know that for me, change is not an overnight event. Everything I do, everything I try, is a learning process, and every day I grow just a little bit more, and I get that much closer to my goal- to do something with my life! I refuse to crawl around on the dirt forever. I am making myself a cocoon of effort, stamina, and determination- I want to wrap myself tightly in the ideal that I can change myself if I’m willing to try. Change is coming, I believe it.
I am not giving up on the blog. I may not be able to keep up the posting schedule that I made for myself (which I consider to be a sin for internet content), but I’ll be damned if I let it fade into obscurity (more so than it already is) just because I’m lazy and unmotivated. I want to change- and this blog is one small step. One small step and before you know it, I’ll have to change the name of the blog- I Wrote a Blog (And Everyone Read it)!
This is Zip! signing off. Have a good weekend everyone- and remember, you can change yourself if you want it bad enough.