Hey Everyone, Zip! here.
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Specifically, it’s been 4 months since my last post. August 28th, 2013, I made a post about a game called Murdered: Soul Suspect, then dropped off the map. A number of things are behind my Houdini act, including some mild depression, a reinvigorated social life, a full-time career, a full-time girlfriend, etc., but ultimately, I failed to live up to my own expectations by taking my four-month hiatus without a good concrete reason. I keep thinking back on that first post I wrote and I look at what I said there, who I was trying to be. I was lonely, unaccomplished, and depressed, and all I could think about was how I wasn’t living up to some hidden potential I was sure I possessed. Now, I take a step back, and I look at who I am, and I can see it clearly. I haven’t changed a bit.
Before I start sounding too harsh on myself, let me explain. Certain parts of my life have taken a turn for the better: my social life is much more fulfilling now, and I’m much less depressed than I was. When I started this blog, I was new to my job, and I was miserable. Now, while I’m not terribly excited about the work I do, I’m at least reasonably content to be making money and having a relatively easy life, and I’m stable, which makes it easier to try new things. That being said, there’s a lot that’s not going in my direction too. I’m 10 lbs heavier and, being honest, much less healthy than I was last time I started this blog. I’ve virtually stopped practicing drums (We’ll get back to that in a minute) and my NaNoWriMo book flopped like a Magikarp using splash. I almost never posted on my blog again. All of these things don’t add up to a pretty picture, and it really makes me feel like I’m right back where I started.
While I don’t use twitter, I can’t always escape its influence. A good example is this New Year’s buzzphrase: “New Year, New Me.” The idea behind it is noble; simply giving a label to the motivations behind New Year’s Resolutions and the like.
“This year is a new year,” they say. “Last year’s mistakes are in the past, and there’s only room for my reincarnation of myself. New Year, New Me.”
It’s a pretty sentiment. It’s also a load of bullshit.
Best way to describe how I feel about New Year New Me comes from a tweet I saw that said: “New Year New Me doesn’t make sense. If you had herpes in 2013, it’s not like you suddenly won’t have them in 2014!”
I thought to myself, why, that’s true. Herpes doesn’t magically evaporate at the whim of an astrological event. If it’s true for herpes, what else is it true about? And that’s just it: there’s no end to what’s like herpes that you can’t get rid of just because it’s a new year. New Year New Me isn’t some magical spell that’s going to help you lose weight, encourage you to drink less, or even stop biting your nails. I’m not a Pokemon where in the light of a New Year’s moon I evolve into a better creation. That’s the problem with New Year New Me: people aren’t treating the concept with the dignity that it requires. They’re treating it as if New Year’s cures them of faults and they just BECOME a new person, no strings attached. That’s not how life works. If you had herpes in 2013, you will still have herpes in 2014.
That’s why I’m not going to kid myself. I was lazy and prone to abandoning projects in 2013, and I’m going to be lazy and prone to abandoning projects in 2014. It’s a fact of life that I have difficulty with these things. That being said, this is also my chance to work at change. Change is not impossible. It’s more difficult than anything else you can do in life, and I know that I am not good with change. But if I am good at anything, it’s being a stubborn ass. I’m going to stick with trying to change. I won’t always succeed. I will continue to be borne down with an endless supply of frustrations and failures, and I know that some my projects will end up curbed temporarily or permanently. This blog is my “Fuck you!” to those assholes who say “New Year New Me” and expect change to be thrust upon them. I will not give up just because I have given up before. I will not let myself fall into the same patterns that have led me to where I am now. I am an Adonis of perseverance, and I will not stop trying until I succeed.
So let’s talk about RESOLUTIONS. Things that I am to swear myself to do. Here’s the plan: I’m going to set aside $500 towards a personal goal. I’m thinking it’s going to be losing 30 lbs, but I may settle for 20 (baby steps). I have told myself that my resolution for the last 3 years will be to lose weight, and I have yet to actually weigh less at the end of a year than I did at the beginning. I weight appx 215 right now, and I’d ultimately like to weigh less than 180, but for now, I’ll settle for less than 190-200. Should I succeed, that $500 will turn into some kind of reward for me (A Vitamix blender, maybe?). Should I fail, that $500 is going towards charity (Research into cures for diabetes is probably a good choice, don’t you think?) This I swear; I shall weigh less.
So that’s the big one. Here are my smaller resolutions. I’m not going to put price tags on these ones, but if this idea does act as an encouragement to lose weight you can bet your ass that I’m going to be putting price tags on them next year.
1. Weight Loss: (For the sake of having an organized list)
2. Rock Climbing: While I was gone, I started rock climbing with a couple of friends. Since then, my grip has easily gotten ten times more powerful, and it’s nice to be able to feel some of the burn from doing a good days worth of climbs. Since I’m also attached to a gym membership to use the rock wall, I’m also going to start lifting to be able to climb better. While my legs are still meaty and muscular from my days as a wrestler, my arms are puny and weak and my core strength is sub-optimal. I can work on these things!
3. Keeping it Clean: I want to keep my room clean and finally put up the goddamned decorations I possess. They’re all just sitting against the wall! For shame.
4. Nails: I bite my nails. It’s really gross! STAHP THAT. I’m also suffering from a nasty infection as a result from an ingrown toenail that I want a) cured and b) prevented from happening again.
5. Juicing: I got a juicer for Christmas! I’m going to juice the shit out of a million vegetables and then DRINK THEM. I’m not sure if this is a resolution or just an announcement because I LOVE MY JUICER IT’S THE BEST THING EVER. I’ll be posting a recipe of something I drink every week.
6. Drink More Water: You would think this would be easy enough to not have to resolve to doing it but I’m basically chronically dehydrated at this point.
7.Drums: I know a drummer who’s teaching me to play percussion on the cheap, but he’ll move away sooner or later. Keep that shit up! 1/2 hour of practice every single day is totally manageable. Let’s keep trying.
8. Blog: So, like last year, I resolve to keep writing this blog. Bit of a structure change though. So far, this blog has been mostly reviews for games, music, and movies. This is great and all, but at the same time, it’s a little shallow and narrow minded. So while I’d definitely like to keep reviewing stuff as I find it, as well as focusing on books as well, I also want to limit the number of these kinds of posts that I make. One of these posts a week on Friday with a tagline of “Friday Fun” or something else a little less dumb. Next, I’d like to start writing with a little more substance. One of my biggest faults is that while I consider myself to be a writer, I don’t feel as if my writing is particularly strong. I tend to be a little wishy-washy and passive with my phrasing, so I want to take this new resolution mode as a chance to start focusing on some writing skills. I’m going to be writing some (fairly) short stories, ideally coming out at a rate of 1 every other week or so. These will be my Every Other Monday Shorts. Lastly, just to fill in the blank spaces for when the leftover Mondays, I’m going to start posting Monday status updates on these resolutions. I’m going to keep track of a number of different items (from how many times I chewed my nails or went to the gym to a weekly recording of my current weight.) I want to keep myself honest, and for that, I need your help, random citizens on the internet. Keep me to my promises, folks. Never let me forget that I want to change. I know that I won’t make all of the goals I have listed (maybe I’ll forget to drink any water from March until August and die) but I’ll be damned if I don’t put in the effort at least.
So, in summary, here’s what we have. Blog’s fixing on two posts/week. The two week schedule looks thusly: Monday Zipday, Media Friday, Every Other Monday Short, Media Friday. This post is to count as my Monday 1/6 Zipday post, the first official post in this new series. My Friday post will be a book review for the book Lowtown (Or, for my UK readers, the Straight Razor Cure), and we’ll continue on from there.
Here we are, this moment at end, my readers. Have a happy New Year, and remember, fuck you to all those people who expect change without sacrifice. You are capable of change, but only if you’re willing to work hard for it.